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Afstressende indslag






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”I love this site”

  I   H A T E kaagaard.dk

”It make me seek”



DEN SANDE VERDENSHISTORIE

Den sande verdenshistorie (PDF)  (fra Pernille 6. maj 2003)
Skrevet af Alexanderband. Se mere på www.alexanderband.dk




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Ud med dåserne






ADVARSEL

TRYK IKKE HER ! ! ! ! !


Do never push here !




Find the Ghost


Er du ikke bange for spøgelser - så tryk HER


Uegnet for mindre børn


Link
til en meget sjov side
( tysk og alligevel morsom ! )



Mordillo

75 Mordillo billeder her





1.ste videomail fra Erik
Hallo

Tryk her for at starte
(video program 142 kb) - tager lidt tid



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Se menneskets udvikling m.v. i billeder
Se kortlægning af mandens og kvindens hjerne

TRYK HER


Love, regler og forklaringer
Forsøg at forstå

TRYK HER




Erik's sovemaskine


Her har du lidt hjælp, hvis det kniber med at sove !
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ...............

Brugsvejledning : Tæl hvor mange gange fåret hopper over gærdet.


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Godnatkys
Tryk her





Verdens bedste vits





Aftenskolen er startet



Jagt

To jægere er ude i skoven. Pludselig falder den ene om. Han ser ikke ud til at trække vejret og øjnene er er glasagtige og brustne.

Kammeraten griber mobiltelefonen og ringer til nødnummeret: "Min ven er død. Hvad skal jeg gøre ?"
Stemmen i den anden ende spørger: "Ta' det roligt. Jeg kan hjælpe dig. Du skal først være helt sikker på, om han er død".

Der bliver helt stille i jægerens mobiltelefon og der høres et skud.
Jægerens stemme kommer tilbage: "OK, hva' skal jeg så gøre nu ?".




KÅRET TIL ÅRETS VITS 2001


Detektiven

Superdetektiv Sherlock Holmes og hans bryske assistent doktor Watson er på campingferie og overnatter i telt. Midt om natten vækker Sherlock Holmes doktor Watson og siger:
- Watson. Kig op på stjernerne og fortæl mig, hvad du ser.

Watson kigger op og siger:
- Jeg ser millioner af stjerner, og hvis der er millioner af stjerner og blot nogle få af dem har planeter, er det sandsynligt, at der er også planeter, der ligner Jorden, og hvis der er blot få planeter som Jorden, er der måske også liv derude.

Sherlock Holmes:
- Watson, din idiot. Nogen har stjålet vores telt.




Plejehjemmet

En aften bringer en familie deres gamle mor til et plejehjem og efterlader hende der i håb om, at der vil blive taget sig af hende.
Næste morgen vasker sygeplejerne hende, giver hende dejlig morgenmad og sætter hende i hende i en stol ved vinduet, så hun har udsigt over en dejlig blomsterhave.
Den gamle virker ok, men efter et stykke tid begynder hun langsomt at falde over til den ene side.
To plejere er straks opmærksomme og skynder sig hen til hende og hjælper hende op i den vante stilling.
Igen ser hun ud til at have det godt, men så begynder hun at hælde til den anden side.
De to plejere kommer atter hen og hjælper hende op i normal position.

Sådan går der mange dage.

Da familien ankommer for at se, hvordan det går med hende, spørger de, om hun bliver behandlet ordentligt og om hun kan lide at være der.
"Jah, her er skam meget rart," svarer hun, "bortset fra, at man ikke må prutte."

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Ånden

En mand var gået op på loftet i sit hus for at rydde lidt op:

I en gammel kasse fandt han en meget gammel messingolielampe.

Han tog en klud for at pudse den lidt af, mens han stod og gned på lampen væltede røgen pludselig ud af den, og ud af røgen stod der pludselig en kæmpemæssig Ånd.

- Tak fordi du har befriet mig ! sagde Ånden.

Manden blev jo lidt forskrækket, men sagde at det manglede da bare...

- Fordi du har befriet mig, sagde Ånden, vil jeg opfylde et ønske for dig..!

Manden kløede sig lidt i nakken og tænkte sig lidt om:
Joh, ser du, Mor og mig har tit talt om hvor dejligt det ville være at campere på Hawaii.!
Jeg ønsker mig en motorvej fra Danmark til Hawaii, så kan vi få Campingvognen med derover!

- Huh, sagde Ånden, det var en noget stor opgave, der er altså langt fra Danmark til Hawaii.

- Kunne du ikke ønske dig noget mere enkelt...?

Jah, æh, sagde manden og tænkte sig længe om ...
Jow, nu ved jeg det, kan du ikke fortælle mig hvordan kvinder tænker... og hvorfor de går, som de nu engang går ?....

Ånden kiggede lidt bebrejdende på manden og sagde:
- Ok, ok, du vinder, hvor mange vognbaner vil du have på den motorvej..???






Medical humor I

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."





Medical humor II

A young girl had been suffering from severe headaches and had tests run by her doctor. The doctor said, "I'm sorry miss, but you have a massive brain tumor."

The girl started crying and said to her mom, "I'm only 15 years old. I don't want to die."

The doctor said, "Well this is modern medicine. There is an experimental technique for a brain transplant, but it's expensive and not covered by insurance."

The girl's mother said, "Don't worry, dear. How much does it cost?"

The doctor replied, "Well, a male brain is $1,000,000 and the female brain is $25,000."

The mom asked: "Why is the male brain more expensive then the female brain?" The doctor replied, "Because the female brain is USED!"





Medical humor III

Three expectant mothers were sitting in the waiting room. Two of the ladies began to chat about their pregnancies, and their due dates and such.

One of the women said to the other, "I happen to know that my baby is going to be a boy, because when my baby was conceived, my husband was on top."

Replied the other woman, "Oh! That must mean that I'm going to have a girl, because when my baby was conceived, I was on top."

The third woman suddenly burst noisily into tears. Concerned, the other two turned to her and asked, "what's wrong?"

She wailed tearfully, "I'm afraid that I may be having a puppy!"





Medical humor IV

The Un-Associated Press reported in a news bulletin today that a pregnant woman who has been in a coma for nine months following an automobile accident has given birth to twins, a baby girl and a baby boy. Awakening from her coma and learning that she had given birth to twins, she asked if names had already been given to them.

"Yes," her doctor informed her, "because we didn't know if you would ever come out of the coma, your brother Henry gave them their names."

"Oh dear God," the woman moaned, "my brother, Henry, is the family idiot. What in the world did he name them?"

"He named the baby girl Denise," answered the physician.

"Well, that's not so bad," the woman replied. "What did he name the baby boy?" The physician responded regretfully, "DeNephew."





Medical humor V

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, "Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?"

The doctor replied, "You're not drinking enough water."





Medical humor VI

A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house the father said now you watch me so you will know what to do.

Inside, a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she need to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest.

When they got outside, the son asked how he knew that she was cleaning too much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen, the floor was so clean that there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere.

When they arrived at the next house, the father told his son that it was his turn to examine the patient. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, and made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick it up. He told the woman that she was doing too much church work, and needed to cut down on what she did.

When the two doctors went outside, the old doctor asked the young one how he knew that she was doing too much church work.

The young one said, "Well, when I bent down to pick up my pen, I saw the preacher under the bed."





Medical humor VII + VIII

Doctor, "I have some bad news and some very bad news"
Patient, "Well, might as well give me the bad news first"
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live"
Patient, "24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"
Doctor, "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday"



This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient, "Well, give me the bad news first"
Doctor, "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left"
Patient, "OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"
Doctor, "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you"




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